lisa's love: still sad...

I do know it gets better. This is not my first time to lose someone I love. I know life goes on. I know I will laugh again. I've done it. but dad-gum it's hard......

I absolutely hate being greeted in the morning by two dogs when I should be greeted by three. I absolutely hate seeing his empty bed, but the thought of removing it is even worse. I still hate meal times. I hate his vacant kennel. I hate his unused bowl. But I love his bed, and his kennel and his bowl. They make me feel (somewhat) still close to him.

Our yard is divided into two sections. We have about 1.5 acres of pasture with a fence around it. The pasture has a couple of nice shade trees along with a big barn and a smaller barn. I often say it's big dog proof, but not little dog proof. Dolce doesn't spend much time out there, because there are places where she could wiggle out, but this is where Fritz and Georgia O'Keeffe did much of their running.

Yesterday I had things to do. That was a good thing. It kept me busy. But when I drove up to the house, I (again) just cried and cried. I sat in my car and looked at all the places where Fritz and Georgia would be. At the corner to greet me. Next to the barn lying in the soft weeds. Under the different shade trees. I looked at all those places. Empty. And I cried.

Last year they had a swimming pool. I hadn't gotten them one yet this summer. May was still a bit cool and rainy, and somehow June just flew by too quickly. I kept telling myself to go get their pool. Of course I feel guilty about that now. When they had their pool, Georgia would get in and cool off and then move along, but Fritz would lie in the pool. It was his spot. There was almost always a ball in the water with him.

I have a plastic bin full of dog toys in my living room. It sits under a bar table. Fritz would walk over to that plastic bin, pull out every toy until he found the one that he wanted, and then he would take that particular toy over to his bed to sleep with, chew on or play with. I knew the day he quit doing that, it would kill me. And it has.

If you know anything about me, you know everything comes back to "Friends". And, of course, this is no exception. I now know how Monica felt about Richard's hair. My house has Fritz hair that needs to be swept up. Same with my garage. But I can't bring myself to do it. Not yet. I can't let him go. Not yet. I know I will in time. And as sad as it is to see his hair lying around, the thought of sweeping it up and getting rid of it is even sadder.

I know I don't really play favorites, because Dolce is my baby and Georgia O'Keeffe is just such a great dog and absolutely no trouble. ever. But in many ways Fritz was also my favorite. He was the most playful of the bunch. He was the most gentle of the bunch. He was such a good, good boy.