Meal times and bedtime are the hardest. I suppose, because I was busy on Saturday, yesterday was harder. Saturday my mind was occupied, but yesterday I could just be sad. And I was ... but then this morning I woke up, and I immediately thought of Fritz and my other doggies, and I realized, while I did miss him, I wasn't as sad. So that, of course, made me feel guilty. He was such a wonderful, wonderful dog he deserves for me to be sad longer. Miss him more.
Then I went to feed Georgia O'Keeffe and Dolce, and a wave of sadness hit me. That made me feel better. (I know my family will understand this; we're woven from the same cloth. Maybe others will understand it too. I hope so.)
I walked down the hallway and saw a small clump of Fritz hair. I started to bend down and pick it up, and then I thought, "No. Leave it. A little longer won't hurt." (Aren't you glad you aren't visiting me and my house right now!?)
Today I go to the vets and pick up the Fritz' paw prints. I know that will be hard. I requested two copies. One for me and one for Marshall. Hopefully that's what I get. His paws were huge. I was showing Mark his little baby picture, and I remarked, "See? Even as a puppy, you could see how big those feet were going to get!" ...and they did.
But overall, it's getting easier. Last night Georgia O'Keeffe was even chewing on the bone they used to fight over. The one she merely slept by that first night. She still looks over at his bed...but not as much. Dolce still tries to get a dropped morsel of food from his kennel, and I wonder how much longer that will last. I'm guessing not much. (and, of course, that will make me sad and make me feel guilty.)
We're going to the beach today. I know that will be good for me. The beach is good for EVERYTHING, but I'll also feel sad. I'll feel guilty for getting out and attempting to have fun. I'll feel guilty leaving Georgia O'Keeffe alone without her friend. ...but life does go on.
Another thing I feel guilty about: I KNOW everything happens for a reason. I KNOW God uses each and every situation and turns it around. This is not something I simply think or believe, this is something I KNOW, and yet, I haven't turned this over to Him. I haven't reconciled that God is in control and that Fritz was not really mine. Fritz was God's. He only loaned him to me.
My Bible reading today was the Beatitudes and I did love that God will comfort those who mourn. Something I know, but I so often appreciate God's timing in reminding us of those things that we do already know.
Yesterday was a HUGE day in the world of Mary Kay. It was the final day of the MK year. My cousin, who is also my Director, was this close ----><----- to earning her pink cadillac. So it was fun following everyone's posts on facebook as Beth's team and unit pulled together to achieve PINK. That made me happy and made me smile and made me feel good. I needed that. My soul needed that.
God's timing is always perfect. God's reasonings are always perfect. God's ways are always perfect. We may not always understand, and we may not always like it .... but we must always believe that He does have our best in mind, and He does know our future and what is best for that future. He calls us to simply believe and obey, and I know my life has always worked out when I have followed Him, and I know my life has always screwed up when I didn't. So, I continue to trust in God and plug along.
I've been teasing Mark about bringing me home a baby German Shepherd, but on a serious note, we've been talking about our next dog. We don't want to get one now.... too soon. But we also don't want to wait too long .... Georgia needs a companion. We're thinking maybe the end of summer. I want to look into German Shepherd rescue sites or maybe even German Shorthaired Pointer rescue sites. Unless God steers us in a different direction, that's where we are leaning.
For some strange reason, Mark does not think Eva Braun is a good name for our next family member. He's funny sometimes. Other times he is really smart, because he thinks Martin Luther is the perfect name. He may be on to something ....
Other suggestions are welcomed. Some friends have made suggestions. Of those I do like Marlena Dietrich and Sargent Schulz. I somewhat like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but I'm afraid that name could be dog abuse, plus, I'd always have that stupid song stuck in my head. (Rock Me, Amadeus!) So .... we'll see.
we're getting there. I'm getting there.
but I do feel guilty that I am......................................
and then I see his picture, and I lose it.
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