Getting better .... slowly

I think about Fritz every single day.
But I don't cry.  At least most of the time I don't cry.
Sunday, July 7th, was the first time I talked about Fritz without crying, and I had two thoughts.  One, I felt guilty for NOT crying.  Two, I felt I was moving along.
But since then, I've cried twice while talking about him, so I've had to rethink things.
I now think that on that particular Sunday I didn't cry, because I wasn't at home where it is so obvious that he is missing.  The two times I have tried to talk about Fritz when I did cry, were both at home.
A couple of the neighbors have noticed the dogs missing from the pasture, and when I try to explain .... well, I have a hard time.
Each morning we used to put Georgia O'Keeffe and Fritz out in the pasture.  Let them run off some energy after being in the house all night.
Now .... no dogs.
And people have noticed.  They said how friendly the dogs were and how the dogs would run along the fence as they passed by.
A few times when Mark has been out working in the yard, he'll put GO'K out in the pasture to let her run and to keep him company.  But I cannot stand the thought of her out there alone.  So .... she stays with Dolce.  Either in the house (it's been so blasted hot, so the timing of this is not a bad thing) or in our backyard ... just not out in the pasture.  alone.
I don't cry anymore when I feed the dogs.  I've gotten used to filling only two bowls at meal times, but I still miss Fritz.  And I'm still reminded that he's no longer here.

His empty bowl remains on top of his empty kennel which houses a few of his abandoned balls.  The only thing we ever used the kennels for were meal times.  Someone once asked me if we did this, because the dogs would fight over food.  NO.  Our dogs were the sweetest of friends.  We did this because Fritz was quite allergic to many things and had his own special food.  Fritz also ate slowly and at his own pace.  Kenneling the dogs during meal times was a way to ensure each dog ate his or her own food.  period.  So twice a day, when I feed Georgia O'Keeffe and Dolce, I look over at Fritz' kennel, and I think of him.  And I get sad.  And I miss him.
but I usually don't cry.  usually.