I had a bad day, and it turned into a bad week....

(My title is from something said to me recently .... it somewhat cracked me up, and it was somewhat true.)

I have been doing better.  I have been able to not cry every day.  I have been able to not cry at meal times.  I have been able to not cry when I arrive home.  I have been able to not cry at bedtime.  I have been able to think and talk about Fritz with a smile on my face.  I have been able to look at pictures of Fritz and smile.

and then........

I remember it's Friday.  And I remember what last Friday brought.
It was one week ago that I called the vet and in my best blubbering voice said, "My dog hasn't been eating, and now he won't even drink water."
It was a week ago that the vet told me to bring him in.
It was a week ago that I thought that bringing Fritz in to the vet's office was a good idea, because they would make him strong.  They would make him well.
It was a week ago that I was excited when I heard the vet was putting Fritz in the hospital.  Doggies get better in the hospital, right?

It was a week ago, that Fritz didn't come home.

And when I remember that, a deep sadness, once again, consumes my being.

I saw something today I felt was appropriate:

"Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living."

The beginning with Fritz was not 'scary'.  A better word might be 'unknown', and the ending was sad.  But oh the middle was absolutely worth living.  A few days ago Marshall said, "I always knew he wouldn't be a dog that lived a very long life, but I'm really glad I had him for the little time I did."

Mark is leaving me today.  He and Jacob are going to visit family.  And they need to.  It's important for Jacob to see as much of his family as possible while he's here.  It's always good for Mark to spend time with his family too.  Mark is always so relaxed when he is with his family.  And he laughs.  Not that he never laughs at other times.  He does.  But, somehow, it's different when he's with family.  The familiarity.  The love.  So I am happy the two of them are going.
 But I know after they leave I will be swept over with another wave of sadness.  Maybe it's good to be alone when sad.  Alone with my other animals.  Alone with my thoughts.  Alone with God.  I did inform Mark that my other animals (well, not the chickens, but the others) will be sleeping with me.  That will help.